Ripple Effect

The river rock was hard against her bare feet, as she navigated down to the river’s edge. The water had receded and the river was flowing quietly now, in the wake of the flooding over the past months. The sun was shining again and warmed her cheek as she found a boulder to lean against, she settled herself down with a sigh. Her eyes were drawn to the sun speckles brilliantly glistening and dancing upon the water… mesmerized by her surroundings, she unconsciously picked up a rock and began rubbing the smooth side as if it were a talisman. All the chaos that had driven her to the shoreline was finally melting away.

After some time she looked down at the rock, snapping back to reality it finally registered that she had been holding it for quite awhile. The avalanche of life flooded her mind and with the pent up fury of a jostled hornets’ nest she hurled it into the water. The water splashed in all directions, disrupting the sun dapples, ruining the peacefulness.  The force of the throw caused the water to ripple in an ever widening circle, as the stone tumbled to the rocky bottom of the riverbed coming to rest against a lodged tree limb. 

Things had changed...

WHY some people do the things they do I will never understand but I do know that there is no way to stop a ripple effect once started. Self absorbed choices bring careless words and thoughtless actions. One choice can effect so many others, in ways that are unimaginable and unforeseeable. It’s like the 6^th Degree of Separation only in the negative context. My Dad used to tell us, “Don’t throw the rocks into the river! They protect the shoreline.” The proverbial stone that was laying on the beach [to protect it] is now laying at the bottom of river.  The river didn't have a choice in the matter and now it's waters must flow over and around this stone, disrupting its previous path.

Our words and actions should be used to protect others, not just those we love and care about.

However, especially those that we love and care about. Yet, most words spill out of mouths carelessly and thoughtlessly. Choices are made to appease instant self-gratification rather than being in line with ones true values and morals.

So what do you do when you've been splashed by the rock tossed and are receiving the chaotic ripple effects of someone else’s choices? 

Usually, I'd like to pick up a bigger rock and huck it back!

But what good does that bring? How does that fix anything?

The best course of action is to respond, not react. Quite yourself enough to remember what your personal core values are and decided how this “splash” measures against those values. (Your core values are your personal “truths”). When your response is based on your personal  values then you are able to speak your truth from your heart, and have the strength to stand behind what you have just said. You don’t have to like what the other person has done, you don’t have to agree with their choices, and those choices can hurt you something fierce… BUT, when you choose to respond from your inner truth, you maintain control over yourself and how you will allow the situation to affect you.

I don’t like it when choices are made by others that have a direct negative consequence on me. 

It hurts, it sucks and it’s not fair. I have the right to express what I want to see happen in the situation to bring resolution, and if it doesn't happen then I can make a choice to remove myself. By separating myself from this person/situation, I am giving myself ample room to remain in control of myself and gain a better perspective. The closer you are to the epicenter, the stronger the “splash” and repercussion are that you will receive. Likewise, the farther you are away from the epicenter, the less it can impact you – even if it was aimed at you.

Gaining clarity of a situation is just good ju-ju. It’s all about asking yourself the right questions and answering yourself honesty.  Why am I upset about what happened? Do I want to respond? And, if I choose to respond, what do I hope the outcome or resolution to be? Do I want to continue to have relationship with this person or be involved in this situation?

Bottom Line: Either you accept a person or situation as they are, or you don’t. And, if you don’t – then don’t have relationship with them or remain involved. 

It is very simple.

It is okay to let go and walk away. Sometimes, it’s the healthiest choice that can be made. And, you’re able to leave the “splashing back” to the summer afternoon water balloon fights, the sprinkler dash or a rowdy match of floating-the-river water pistol shootouts.  (Which is way more enjoyable!)

I have laid some pretty strong boundaries of who and what I will allow close to me. These choices were well thought out and laid down as I gained a clearer picture of the vision for my life, and the things I value in my life. I protect these “life values” because I know they bring me peace – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The waters of life will continue to flow upon us, around us, and over us… It’s how we choose to deal with it that will bring either love, encouragement and a helping hand to ourselves and others or allows the damaging ripples of chaos and hurt to continue wrecking havoc in our lives. 

It is wise to remember to create gentle ripples of love, peace and acceptance by treading lightly, speaking gently, and say what you mean and mean what you say with love.

So, the next time I feel like hurling a rock back at the waters of my life, I’m going to build a cairn in remembrance of this. I'm going to choose to protect the shoreline of my life, maintaining my personal integrity. 

Besides, with the sun that shines on my parade, I dry off quickly anyway. And, I bet you do too.

Keeping It Real,
-Cheryl